How to Deal With Difficult People
In New York City one day, a businesswoman got into a taxi. Because it was rush hour and she was hurrying for a train, she suggested a route. ve been a cabby for 15 years! the driver yelled. You think I dont know the best way to go?
The woman tried to explain that she hadnt meant to offend him, but the driver kept yelling. She finally realized he was too upset to be reasonable. So she did the unexpected. You know, youre right, she told him. It must seem dumb for me to assume you dont know the best way through the city.
Taken aback, the driver flashed his rider a confused look in the rear-view mirror, turned down the street she wanted and got her to the train on time. He didnt say another word the rest of the ride, she said, until I got out and paid him. Then he thanked me.
When you encounter people like this cab driver, theres an irresistible urge to dig in your heels. This can lead to prolonged arguments, soured friendships, lost career opportunities and broken marriages. As a clinical psychiatrist, Ive discovered one simple but extremely unlikely principle that can prevent virtually any conflict or other difficult situation from becoming a recipe for disaster.
The key is to put yourself in the other persons shoes and look for the truth in what that person is saying. Find a way to agree. The result may surprise you.
Sulkers Steves 14-year-old son, Adam, had been irritable for several days. When Steve asked why, Adam snapped, Nothings wrong! Leave me alone! and stalked off to his room.
We all know people like this. When theres problem, they may sulk or act angry and refuse to talk.
So whats the solution? First, Steve needs to ask himself why Adam wont talk. Maybe the boy is worried about something that happened at school. Or he might be angry at his dad but afraid to bring it up because Steve gets defensive whenever he is criticized. Steve can pursue these possibilities the next time they talk by saying, I noticed youre upset, and I think it would help to get the problem out in the open. It may be hard because I havent always listened very well. If so, I feel bad because I love you and dont want to let you down.
If Adam still refuses to talk, Steve can take a different tack: m concerned about whats going on with you, but we can talk things over later, when youre more in the mood.
In New York City one day, a businesswoman got into a taxi. Because it was rush hour and she was hurrying for a train, she suggested a route. ve been a cabby for 15 years! the driver yelled. You think I dont know the best way to go?
The woman tried to explain that she hadnt meant to offend him, but the driver kept yelling. She finally realized he was too upset to be reasonable. So she did the unexpected. You know, youre right, she told him. It must seem dumb for me to assume you dont know the best way through the city.
Taken aback, the driver flashed his rider a confused look in the rear-view mirror, turned down the street she wanted and got her to the train on time. He didnt say another word the rest of the ride, she said, until I got out and paid him. Then he thanked me.
When you encounter people like this cab driver, theres an irresistible urge to dig in your heels. This can lead to prolonged arguments, soured friendships, lost career opportunities and broken marriages. As a clinical psychiatrist, Ive discovered one simple but extremely unlikely principle that can prevent virtually any conflict or other difficult situation from becoming a recipe for disaster.
The key is to put yourself in the other persons shoes and look for the truth in what that person is saying. Find a way to agree. The result may surprise you.
Sulkers Steves 14-year-old son, Adam, had been irritable for several days. When Steve asked why, Adam snapped, Nothings wrong! Leave me alone! and stalked off to his room.
We all know people like this. When theres problem, they may sulk or act angry and refuse to talk.
So whats the solution? First, Steve needs to ask himself why Adam wont talk. Maybe the boy is worried about something that happened at school. Or he might be angry at his dad but afraid to bring it up because Steve gets defensive whenever he is criticized. Steve can pursue these possibilities the next time they talk by saying, I noticed youre upset, and I think it would help to get the problem out in the open. It may be hard because I havent always listened very well. If so, I feel bad because I love you and dont want to let you down.
If Adam still refuses to talk, Steve can take a different tack: m concerned about whats going on with you, but we can talk things over later, when youre more in the mood.
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